Pain

A dominating element of my life is pain. You know pain, it's like ouch! It hurts, and then it goes away. Blessed relief.

Except for me it doesn't.

My pain is associated with nerve injuries in my legs and it is constant. Not only is it constant but it persists at a high level. It's very hard to describe pain to another person, yet I know you will have experienced pain in your life - possibly very similar to my pain. Imagine feeling a knife blade cut into the back of your calves. That is my most extreme acute pain. Then imagine that bandages are applied and the cuts start to heal, leaving a painful ache as the healing process begins. That is my background pain.

At any time there can be pain attacks, with fresh bursts of the acute pain for several minutes, then back to background pain for a while before another acute burst.

I always imagine a line in my mind. Above the line it is impossible disguise pain or to keep from calling out. Below the line it is possible, with  careful control, to avoid any expression of pain.

I live the entirety of my life very close to the line. Actions as simple as getting up from a seat easily take me beyond the line, much to my frustration. No one wants a man for no apparent reason to suddenly cry out. Least of all the man himself.

So there it is. Pain. Not the worst pain in the world, but certainly the most persistent. A constant companion, adding flavour to every moment of every day. Worst of all, inescapable.

Now you know a little about my daily challenge to beat the pain. Doubtless I will come back to this subject in the days, weeks and months to come. That said, I shall endeavour not to harp on about it. No one likes a pain bore.

As my American friends say: It is what it is.